I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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