Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
