Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
