Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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