His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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