I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
