just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
