And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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