I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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