so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
