Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
