I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
