oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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