we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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