I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
