Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
