we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
