saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
