i need an iv and a liver transplant
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
