we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
