Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
