It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
