I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
