im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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