I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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