there's paper in my vomit.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's get the cat blown out
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