i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
