Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
