4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
