got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
