considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
