apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
