maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
