Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
