So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
