You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
