New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
