Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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