Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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