So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
