so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
