Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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