I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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