The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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