this boner is exhausting
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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