well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
