you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
