Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
