My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
