literally had 100 drinks last night.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
