I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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