girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
