I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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