he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
only you would photoshop your dick
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
